I have been struggling with lack of control when it comes to my temper. I feel like I am always battling this. Sometimes I'll feel like I have conquered some part of it and other times it's like I get so angry, so quickly that I just think, "Where did that come from?!" I was getting pretty discouraged thinking about how I haven't been able to improve much. And I thought about how we can't do anything without Christ and how I am not the one who can make this change happen. Only Christ can make a lasting change in me. And I had one of those moments where I just said, "Ok, Lord, have at it because I can't do it." And I felt a little lighter and a little less discouraged. And I am working on believing that He can do this for me. Surrender is hard. I like to be self-reliant and I like to feel like I can do it myself. But there are some things that I have to admit that I can't do and that I need Him. And then I have to trust Him to take care of me and my kids (because you know that they are being affected by my mistakes).
I love my kids and I don't want to be yelling at them and I don't want them to feel like they are walking on eggshells around me. I try to give them LOTS of love and cuddles and random "I love you's" so that they know that they are loved, even when Mommy is angry. I have tried to explain to Ballerina that I am learning too, and that I am trying to get better about not getting angry. And I apologize when I've been mad. Sometimes when I am mad about something, Ballerina will tell me she loves me. Sometimes Sweetie will say, "Don't be mad to me (or Ballerina)." I love my little girls. I know that they were specially chosen to be part of our family. I hope they are equipped to deal with an imperfect mother who is learning and growing and trying to learn to trust the Lord so she can improve. And I really do want to improve.
4 comments:
Thanks for sharing this post. I have been having major issues with this as well and it is good to get some spiritual perspective on it.
This is TOTally my main issue right now. I spend every evening trying to convince myself that tomorrow I won't be so pissy and angry all day. And then I wake up and the first thing I do is get annoyed that so-and-so woke up the other girls, or get annoyed that the first thing I hear is whining. So the first thing they hear after I stay up all nnight berating myself, is me being pissy and angry!
So far, even though I haven't found anything that always works, it helps when I go over my goals for the day with the girls- (really just my oldest.) I let her know what I want to accomplish that day, and that I want us to be happy and I don't want to yell today. Just saying it out loud, kind of like a promise with witnessess... even though they don't completely understand, it helps a little. Doesn't change how angry I feel about stuff, but makes me feel more accountable for my reactions- ha.
If you figure out anything that gives you a really good result- post it! I'm all ears. :)
I know EXACTLY how you feel because this is something I have been dealing a LOT with also. It is funny too because we as moms set the tone of the home and i know that but yet my lack of patience and temper get the best of me at times. Thank you for your incredible insight on this. Something I know but needed to be reminded of. love ya girl!
I love you honey! You are a wonderful wife and mother, and your children and I love you. Your temper control has definitely improved, and your awareness of ability to handle it has also improved.
I know you have received several comments already, most will be from females, and I know that they will likely understand your situation more than I. I have enjoyed reading the posts above and I like Summer's comment to verbalize it.
Every morning when I study the scriptures, I bless my food and invite the spirit while I study. I always get more out of studying when I invite the spirit.
I know our weaknesses can become strengths. I still have moments of pessismism, but they are fewer and less extreme. I love that you continue to work at it. Stick with it! And I hope that I can help in some way. Love you!
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